Writing and cheating

I've been asked a lot of basic questions about writing however this would be a first and it came from an eleven-year-old. She pointed out how many actors like to research for their roles they play. I've heard this also either going under cover as an officer, going to a strip club, spending time at bars or working certain jobs to gain perspective. Even writers are always mentioning research especially those in Mystery, homicide or geological location or time period for a setting.

The question asked is that if there is a romance in the story and you get into the characters’ heads, do you feel like your cheating because you’re creating an intimate relationship between characters. Is fantasizing about this considered cheating.

I thought it was a good question and one I'm sure depending on who you ask will give you a very different answer from a direct yes, explanation for or against or the opposite a direct no. I can only answer for myself on this one and not for anyone else. The way that I write about my characters I don't feel I'm cheating in any way. I know more personal detail but it is only because I happen to be writing it. I’m not physically going out trying to recreate these connections that I write about.

When I write about a character I know what pet peeves they have, personal likes and dislikes, their family background. How they interact with someone. When you have a friend or family member that you know incredibly well you would know these personal things about them. Even to the point if someone walked through the room without saying a word but was smiling you could know something was bothering them when anyone else would have thought they were fine. It's the small details. People normally share information about dating and their lives so we get to know them this way.

When it comes to research, I’ve experienced relationships myself, dealt with friends and observed from a distance others. I consider this research also. I like to sit in the mall some times to see how people interact with each other and majority of the time from human nature I know how they will react and from seeing it so many times. I write for all age groups so I do keep a lot of what my characters do behind closed doors. I might elude to something however detail I leave out. When they fall in love I think of relationships I’ve experienced or what I would want myself.

There are terms such as book boyfriend, fiancée or even husband. Personally, I’ve never gone that far. I might obsess over a personality or see this character as someone I would have made friends with but never on such a personal level as dating my own characters. I feel the same way towards those who portray characters. I might love the way they character is handled by some more so than others but I am not falling in love with the person playing the role. I’m not against anyone who feels this way or have crushes on characters. Having a crush is a way telling you what you would like to find in a perspective relationship. Hopefully it’s a healthy one but then most know the difference between fiction and reality. If you have a crush on a vampire it’s not that you disregard life and want to die but you may admire or respect a quality this character has. Many have a different perspective on life because of being a creature. This can be taken so many ways depending on what is involved, authors intent and what readers understand from it. If there is a subject involving a character you are unsure of and think it could be possibly abusive, research it and find out the facts. It doesn't mean you need to watch a sex video but there is text information. 

Example of this would be with grey series. I was given the book as a gift. I tried to read it and couldn't get past a few chapters. I felt I was reading something a child wrote about a very adult situation. It was trying to portray love however in an abusive manner without regard to the well being of the other character, The BDSM was not accurate and by ignoring her saying to stop or using safe word it is clearly rape. whether or not the author intended on this or not it is disturbing and sadly people have wanted the same relationship. If the man was poor and not rich people would not be looking at it the same. Some are simply looking for the right to watch it without feeling they are watching pornography. Of course you will find many various opinions on this as well however I do feel the authors need to be respectful towards their audience. That book is geared towards adults and the author would have to be asked herself what she was thinking and if she felt she was cheating by creating this. I couldn't speak for her.