This is going to be long but I promise, it does impact writing. One of my biggest problems is balancing/ prioritizing time. I feel guilty when I don’t get certain things done or spend time with someone instead of writing. Over the years I’ve had to learn what matters most. I might be passionate about writing and it makes me happy but so does spending time with my children, that time I will never get back if I let it go. It helps as children get older and more independent but while they were little, they were my top priority. I enjoyed the NaNoWriMo months, it kicked my butt into setting aside time. Something I’ve never been good at. Let alone proper balance.
Not
everyone can set aside eight hours or more a day to sit and do nothing other
than writing and not get interrupted. Maybe if it’s your full-time job it would
be easier to schedule your time to do this. But when you have children,
animals, a spouse, a home to care for, and working (working in the medical
field it was always twelve-hour shifts), it leaves little time not only for
writing but also for self-care.
I
started writing for an hour before I would sleep at night, unfortunately,
because of that I would dream about my books and wake every so often when I had
an idea I wanted to add to it, I didn’t leave it for the later because I knew I
wouldn’t remember. I did find I wrote my best at night but I also didn’t have
any distractions, at least until certain people found I had free time then and
started wanting attention which made it another emotional struggle.
If
the struggle wasn’t enough, I pulled my son out of public school to teach him
at home which was good timing since covid kicked in and half the time people
didn’t know if their kids were going to school or at home online for school. I
pulled my son simply because he was falling behind and the school's approach to
teaching wasn’t working. The school wanted to sign him up for an IEP which I
wasn’t against if it meant he would get more help or the teaching approach
would be better applied to his needs. Nothing was going to change and the one-on-one
with a special teacher wasn’t happening either, no changes at all other than
allowing him more time to finish or dismissing certain grades. That wasn’t
going to teach him. My son would cry every morning I tried to take him to
school, he hated reading. So I knew I needed to change this. I’m not against
schools, some children thrive better but when the only time they get to socialize
with other students is taken away and it’s the only thing they enjoy, it's time
for changes.
My
son is doing much better now and I left the healthcare industry for several
reasons. The strange thing I found, even though I’m at home more than before,
between lessons, cleaning the house, caring for the pets, and spending time
with family. I still hadn’t set aside much time to write. There was also
another problem that I take full responsibility for. In 2018 I finally stood in
front of a mirror, we don’t have any mirrors in our house. For one reason or
another they end up broken or torn off the wall but that’s its own story for
another time. I saw my reflection and hadn’t recognized myself. I gained so
much weight, no one said anything other than a particular nameless person who
called me the “C” word and many other derogatory comments. This isn’t a person I
would ever go to for advice so her vicious attacks meant nothing to me either. I
might not have let it bother me but I still don’t need to hear it and neither
do my children. It was the main reason I didn’t go outside and was stressed
because there was a safety issue to it also. For my family, the covid
restrictions were a blessing. I had a year of peace to focus on my health, my
family, and to spend time outdoors.
However
the moment I saw my reflection I realized I let my health go. I was exhausted
and hadn’t watched what I ate. I never had an eating disorder, portion control
wasn’t the issue either. There were simply healthier foods I could have chosen
instead but I picked convenience. After a 12-hour shift, my feet killed me for standing
the whole shift and knowing I wasn’t done when I got home. I picked up a meal
at Burger King on my way home. I consumed a lot of calories. On my typical day,
breakfast was a sausage egg and cheese biscuit of 550 calories, lunch at the
hospital ranged from 300-to 900 depending on how much caffeine I consumed, they
had several healthy options. Dinner on my way home would be a basic whopper 734,
fries 406, drink 213. Those were based on small sizes, most of the time I
ordered large and I consumed on average 2 liters of pop a day. I consumed
between 2203 to 2803 per day, that didn’t include any snacks I had later. I
liked munching chips or pop while I wrote. More often than not I consumed
anywhere from 2500 to 4000 calories a day.
Once
I left healthcare I was even less active and hadn’t exercised. Before when I worked
I came home and sat staying off my feet. Later I bought a Fitbit and found my
average steps were 200 per day. I knew I needed to make changes and it wasn’t
only for myself but for my family. We needed to get healthier and learn to
balance the time we have. We started going for walks in the evening. I stopped drinking
sugary drinks. I wanted my kids to know it's okay to have them but keep them in
moderation. I found I drank more soft drinks out of boredom than thirst. For a
year I drank nothing but water, tea, or lemon juice in my water. I had one day
a week we ate out which was fine, I had been keeping track of what I ate all
day in a diary, so I would pick the healthiest thing on the menu, at some
restaurants it wasn’t easy. Each person needs to find what works for them but I
managed to stick to 1200 calories per day and for myself that worked. By 2022 I
had lost 75 pounds. I slept better at first which was nice but I have a history
of insomnia which always messes with my sleep. I won’t go into that right now
since it would be a novella on its own.
Between
taking the family for walks in the evening when the weather is nice, or walking
on the treadmill myself, having a written schedule helps, even for time to
write I’ve had to schedule it in. I found afternoons work best for me, pets are
sleeping, and my son gets free time on the computer but is still monitored. I’ve
been compared to a helicopter parent, I make no apologies for that. while he
plays I write. while I'm writing this he's playing a Roblox game and he likes
to make sound effects himself, he’s pretending to be choking on a tree stump,
not sure why but he’s creative and using reading and writing skills while
playing. He thinks it's just a game but it's promoting reading. Which is great.
Not all kids can be set down with a book and be engrossed in it. At his age, I
couldn’t get my hands on enough books and I was passionate about reading. I
still am. My daughter takes after me on that but both my sons didn’t care for reading
so I introduced them to certain games that required reading to complete quests.
My
daughter wrote two books and I published them. My youngest wrote a book. I told
him to write what he wanted to read about. He did, still working through it but
eventually, he could publish it if he wants.
Everything
you go through as a person, physically, mentally, and financially affects you,
it affects your writing. It's learning from experience and writing from experience.
It's more relatable when you have experience, drawing from your life or those
you observe. It doesn’t mean you can’t write about things you don’t have experience
in. This gives us the chance to research, and visualize ourselves in these
circumstances. There is so much from our life experiences to draw from,
especially imagination. To come up with a story to write. While I walk, I think
about my stories and the direction they are taking as characters.
I
use writing as therapy. I might write more in the afternoon now before it was
at night and now that I’ve gone back to work at night, I’ll find another time
to write. It’s easy to be hard on ourselves, the pressure and guilt of where
our time belongs. Don’t ever compare yourself with anyone else, especially well-known
authors. Because they don’t live your life. My life and experiences are only an
example. It’s a matter of finding what works for you. What I will say is
important is your health. It's difficult doing something when you're not
feeling good even though that can be used as inspiration also. Write and take
care of your health.
